Picking myself back up again

OK, so I have been lazy getting back into blogging. Thanks for the advice in your comments. I will endeavour to keep blogging. I should have more time on my hands what with the summer holidays to get through. I have been a little down lately. I have just put myself on the NHS waiting list for surgery to remove my gallbladder. Its a really minor procedure that just needs to be done.

I am trying to be positive and I am getting myself all psyched up for the Race for Life. Please sponsor me if you can http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/jaysicamarvell2102.

Oh and looks like I'm going to come out of the closet and reveal my identity. I think I am brave enough now.

I am still watching plenty of TV, have had time to watch all kinds of it. I will probably blog about it tomorrow.

Tonight I will be catching up with Torchwood: Children of Earth as the fourth series Miracle day has already started.

What are you watching tonight?

Back again! More about tv, anyone?

OK, so I am trying really hard to keep blogging and not give up just because I only have 6 followers. These things take time, and I am willing to wait. I have been so busy anyway, family visiting, my daughter's fourth birthday, my ten year anniversary, a massive barbecue this weekend and preparing for my trip with my husband to Bath for our first time away on our own for a whole weekend without the kids!

Enough about me, I want to write more about the television viewing I have managed to squeeze in over the last few days. There was another episode of Mildred Pierce on Saturday.

 It was a difficult one to watch as she goes through the motions of her divorce and the tragedy of death. Kate Winslet obviously brings a lot of herself into this character. When she breaks down while discussing her divorce with her husband the pain on her face is so real. So I can see this series starting to get better already.

I am still not convinced by the actress playing her older daughter Veda, I'd rather they speed it along until she is replaced by Evan Rachel Wood.

I am also watching a new series on TV called the Talk. Looks exactly like Loose Women which is also based on Barbara Walter's original show, The View. We've never been able to watch the view over here in England which is an absolute shame. Loose Women is ok if you watch loads of soaps and love celebrity news but seriously I would like something with a bit more to chew on. The View has been notorious for its political banter and they have really impressed me with the topics they talk about. We need something like that, where its like The Wright Stuff but with only women! I'm pretty sure British women aren't as thick as what's represented by the lousy demographic on Loose Women!

I'm looking forward to watching some more Felicity later, reminiscing about the 90's and my student days while I catch up on my ironing. So what are you watching at the moment? I'd love my new blogger friends to post something about what they love watching on TV. Call it research. Tell me what you want to see a drama about that no-one else has done yet!

TV Torture

So last night the husband and I watched the last two episodes of Caprica. We are rather disappointed that this has been cancelled. I admit, there was a point during the series where I thought, how does this even relate to Battlestar Gallactica, this is meant to be the prequel. There were so many plot lines, it got quite hard to follow. I blame Lost, the whole idea of 100s of plot holes and mysteries seemed fun for a while, and quite fashionable, but really after a while it just gets annoying.

And Caprica had to end their story rushing through the end, tying it to the real beginning of BSG. It was a glorious ending with most of the questions answered. We were really pleased with the ending, albeit disappointed that there would be no more.

Depressing really, as most of our favourite sci-fi series have finished now. No more BSG, Star Trek, Star Gate,  not even the reboot of the V.  Looks like the recession is hitting sci-fi the hardest.

We also watched the 200th episode of Smallville. Let me just say the only reason I really watch this is because Tom Welling is so hot! There was a clip where they showed his first time meeting Lana Lang from 10 years ago. I got all sentimental because today is also my 10 year wedding anniversary and I remember snuggling up to the husband in the evenings to watch Smallville. And to our utter despair, as we have waited on the edge of our seats for Clark to fly, in ten years, he finally FLOATS while dancing with Lois Lane. Much abuse was hurled at the TV as we continue to endure the utter disappointment and lame ass scenes in the barn at the end of every tortuous episode. Why do we continue to watch it? Pure sex appeal! Lois and Clark are hot, go figure!

Mildred Pierce

So the remake of Mildred Pierce was shown on Sky Atlantic this weekend. When it was announced that this was coming to tv I had just finished an assignment analysing the original Joan Crawford version for my film class. I loved the film. It was done in a film noir style in 1945 and was quite glamorous, earning a an Oscar nomination for Crawford. I wouldn't necessarily agree with the message in the film, that women who aim to achieve more than their male counterparts will be karmically punished for it.
The film is based on a novel by James M. Cain.

The story goes that Mildred is a housewife who kicks out her cheating husband to try and raise her two kids and pay the bills on her own. She works hard, in a job she feels is beneath herself and makes enough money using her wits and intelligence and builds her own restaurant business. But it is her oldest daughter Veda whom she has spoilt through the years that betrays her and humiliates her. You really have to see or read it to get the whole gist of the story. Crawford's version of Pierce is punished for her endeavours and I wonder if this new version with Kate Winslet will be different.

Already the critics are not impressed with the new version's bleakness and lack of convincing storyline. I think this is the intent. This time it's not film noir, it's post modern irony. Winslet's Pierce's struggle through the depression to try and get a decent job with just her home-maker skills echoes with myself and millions of mothers out there who are dealing with own reality with the current recession. I  found this version much more depressing, but a part of me is urging Winslet to bring some glimmer of hope to us mums who are watching this. Surely things right now are nowhere as bad as the Great Depression? Or should we prepare for worse to follow?

I urge everyone to at least watch the original film. Its probably the first black and white film I have really ever enjoyed!

Just a Mum?

I'm not having a fun week. In fact, its down right boring. So boring that I actually have no ironing to do, I finished it all yesterday. We had such a great weekend what with my little girls' birthday party but with not much to look forward to after, I've been bored.

I have no classes at the University until the end of September. I have a tiny part in a play in November and I already know my lines and I'm not needed at rehearsal for a few weeks. So with all this time on my hands I have time for reflection and time to write.

The writing thing scares me. Since I started blogging I have found all these mums who write and there are so many out there. Then there is all this self-publishing business. You don't even need a big publishing house to get your books out there. My cousin did it, he wrote a book a bit about his life and he self-published. Don't get me wrong, self-publishing obviously works for some people, but I don't think that's the route I want to take.

I want to be like J K Rowling, work hard for years and years and really be successful. But let's be real. That only happens to a handful of people, doesn't it? Frankly I need the money now and I haven't written more than three chapters of anything. I still have a creative writing module to do at uni next year.

Do I need to be more realistic and think about other career options. And why am I not satisfied with just being a mum? Why do I need to find a career and a way to make money? Why does my husband have to work so hard so that I never see him for a salary that doesn't afford us package holidays and new cars? We just about get by with a lot of help from my wealthy dad.

So why is it not enough for me to be just a mum? I'm good at it, and the kids need me more than anyone. My kids are happy, healthy and well-adjusted. Why would I wreck that all with an attempt at a career that has no guarantees of success?

Deep, isn't it? I'm looking forward to the summer holidays when I'll be busy with the kids with no time to reflect and doubt myself. And I cannot wait to go back to classes and really have that feeling of self-fulfilment!

TV TV TV, Give Me More!

Alas my favourite TV show Game of Thrones has just finished its first series. It was fantastic, I had been waiting for the fantasy party to get going and it ended with wonderful finish that left me wanting more! At least I still have the book to finish reading in the mean time.
I've been reading it on the Kindle, which I love but I had no idea how big the book was until I saw it in a book store recently. So wow, its a heavy book with plenty of detail and insight into all the characters.










While I'm waiting for the next series to come out there are so many other shows I love watching. Here's a list of a few that I'm loving:

1. Caprica
2. Smallville
3. Fringe
4. Parenthood
5. Brothers & Sisters
6. Big Love
7. Being Erica
8. Spartacus: Blood and Sand
9. In Treatment
                                 
Its not in any particular order. I like to analyse the shows to see if I could ever write something like them. I think I could never write sci-fi as I just don't think I'm clever enough. I think I'm more inclined to write something like Being Erica where the main protagonist is a female my age. I do like to watch old tv series as well and I'm currently rewatching Felicity. I love this one as it was so similar to my own experiences at University. Also because for years I thought I would end up at NYU so its like watching an alternate universe of my own life where I did get to go. Her character is so similar to my own, but I think its meant to be like that, where the target audience just do. I also love that its one of JJ Abrams first TV shows and many of his favourite actors are in it, Jennifer Garner, Greg Grunberg, Amanda Foreman.

If you are wondering, where are the British shows, well there are a few that I like, Doctor Who and some of the ITV dramas, but there is not much else I watch. Though Made in Chelsea is definitely my guilty pleasure!

Another day, another passion, this time: COOKING!

Another great talent I inherited from my mother is my passion for cooking. I enjoy really exotic foods and my parents often treated us out to the most fascinating foods. While my mother was still around, I didn't actually cook that much, and to be honest I was quite awful at it. Its my children that inspired me to be the cook I am today. Before my mother departed she gave me great tips on cooking that still stay with me today.

So when my daughter requested an Indian feast for her birthday I set a whole day aside to cook the dishes she so wanted to eat!

Well I started with an accompaniment that is offered at most North Indian meals, Dhai Bhundi, which is a yoghurt dish filled with boiled potatoes and tiny graham flour balls, topped with spices and coriander.

Then I made a side dish, Aloo Gobi, which is basically potatoes and cauliflower. 

This was the main curry made with eggs, which sounds strange but is absolutely yummy! My vegetarian mother-in-law who is usually quite fussy absolutely loved it.

 Another side dish was Palak Paneer which is small cubes of Indian cheese in a spinach puree. 

None of the dishes were spicy, and all of it was served with rice and store bought chapatis. My favourite brand of chapatis is Elephant Atta, which you can get in quite a few well known supermarkets. 

If you want recipes I would have to recommend Anjum Anand. She really does make it very easy. 

So her Indian feast went down a treat and I was exhausted, but with just enough time to get set for her joint birthday party with her little sister. The weather was pretty awful all day but we made a special request to our very dear guardian angel and we were granted with sunshine until the last 10 minutes of the party.

The children loved playing in our garden and we hired out a fantastic bouncy castle! That's it for birthday parties until next year! Phew! Well will have to see what my youngest will want for her birthday dinner in two weeks!

The Honour of Motherhood

Today I have but one thing on my mind. My eldest daughter's seventh birthday. I am so incredibly proud of her. I'm also proud of myself for getting this far in motherhood. She was a beautiful baby at 6 lbs 6 oz. It was a difficult birth and motherhood just didn't come easy for me. We didn't bond the way I did with my second daughter. I think I hadn't realised how much motherhood would change me. It made me put everything into perspective and when I looked in the mirror, I didn't like what I saw. Why would my own child love me if I didn't love myself.

That was the dawn of post-natal depression for me. I didn't get treated for it until after I had my second child. When I realised today how long its been since I said to myself, "Today was a good/bad day" I realised I've been over it for a while. I didn't know that I could be this content with my life.

If I had never had my children, and learned how to love myself and make my life work for me, I never would have had the strength to get over losing my mother to cancer last year. My mother lost her battle 5 days after she turned 65. She had a difficult time of it, and its been a hard year coming to terms with her absence. Now I realise the gift she gave me of being the mother I am today. I miss her, but I only have to look in the mirror to see her in me.

I think my daughter is going to have an amazing day tomorrow, full of joy and contentment.

My TV obsession

Ok, so I have to talk about my obsession with TV because its just who I am. I grew up in NY where we had 24 hours of lots of channels to watch and plenty of educational programs that I watched continuously from the age of 5. After I left the States, the TV withdrawal was horrific. I cannot even begin to explain it. But with the dawn of the internet and Sky television, my hunger for specifically American dramas just grew and grew! I make excuses about it now, because I want to write for TV. I will be starting a writing for television module at University in the next year or so. So my obsession is justified. Its homework!

My current favourite has to be Game of Thrones. I am reading the book and watching Game of Thrones series.  The first book is fantastic. Its been such a journey and reading it alongside watching it is so enriching. They can't put every detail into the TV series, so I love reading the characters thoughts and little stories intertwined into the main story. I enjoy reading fantasy novels anyway, this is heavily about war and politics but the little spices of magic and dragons thrown in make it really enjoyable. The details are very clever and the author has clearly worked hard at defining each of the characters. It really reminded me of the Belgariad and the Mallorean written by David Eddings. Those are my favourite fantasy series I have to say. Maybe one day I'll be writing my own!

Giving it another shot!

Ok, so I thought I would have to write everything about my life all in one go. But there are so many parts of my life that vary every day.

I am a student but I'm done for the year, so I'll get back to that another time. Today I'm a mum. I've just baked fruity buns for my kids school. They are having a bake sale tomorrow. It came out awful, haha! I was like yeah, baby, I'm super mum, I can make home made cakes and be a student, and an actress and sing and all that hokey, and boom, I forgot to add the sugar and tried to remould the dough again and it looks like crap! They taste good though!

I have so much to do today, lots of ironing to catch up on because I was ill last week and a birthday party to finish organising. My daughters are turning 4 and 7 and they are having a joint party on Saturday in our back garden with a giant octopus bouncy castle. I think I am more excited than they are. Nah, scratch that, they are super excited.

So its a busy week ahead and I have a lot to be excited about. I start rehearsals on Friday night for the Agatha Christie play Murder on the Nile. Its the first drama I'm doing. I auditioned for a nice juicy part but a good friend of mine got it and I have a teeny part as an Egyptian beadseller. I am so grateful though, I love being able to get out of the house on an evening and be creative. Its such a huge passion of mine, and an addiction, to be on stage! I love it!