I have no classes at the University until the end of September. I have a tiny part in a play in November and I already know my lines and I'm not needed at rehearsal for a few weeks. So with all this time on my hands I have time for reflection and time to write.
The writing thing scares me. Since I started blogging I have found all these mums who write and there are so many out there. Then there is all this self-publishing business. You don't even need a big publishing house to get your books out there. My cousin did it, he wrote a book a bit about his life and he self-published. Don't get me wrong, self-publishing obviously works for some people, but I don't think that's the route I want to take.
I want to be like J K Rowling, work hard for years and years and really be successful. But let's be real. That only happens to a handful of people, doesn't it? Frankly I need the money now and I haven't written more than three chapters of anything. I still have a creative writing module to do at uni next year.
Do I need to be more realistic and think about other career options. And why am I not satisfied with just being a mum? Why do I need to find a career and a way to make money? Why does my husband have to work so hard so that I never see him for a salary that doesn't afford us package holidays and new cars? We just about get by with a lot of help from my wealthy dad.
So why is it not enough for me to be just a mum? I'm good at it, and the kids need me more than anyone. My kids are happy, healthy and well-adjusted. Why would I wreck that all with an attempt at a career that has no guarantees of success?
Deep, isn't it? I'm looking forward to the summer holidays when I'll be busy with the kids with no time to reflect and doubt myself. And I cannot wait to go back to classes and really have that feeling of self-fulfilment!
We Moms all love our kids. Wanting to do something to fulfill yourself and satisfy your creative urge does not mean you don't love your kids or are not a good Mom. I know I struggled with that as well when my boys were young.. Being a Mom is hard work, as anyone who is one knows...but for most women it's just not enough to feel like a complete and wholly fulfilled person, and there's nothing wrong with that..self publishing is done a lot these days...I don't know, I might go that route myself..just keep doing the things that allow you to feel like you are being true to your creative side as well as being a Mom...the Mom and the Artist can live in the same woman..and I think they work together to make the woman a happier person and a great example to the kids of the power of hard work and creativity..
ReplyDeleteIt's awesome you're going to university!! I'd love to go..good luck to you!
You know, that is so true. When my daughter said she wants to sing on stage like mummy that made me so proud. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that I am their biggest role model, and maybe they are content children because I have been content with myself!
ReplyDeleteIts never too late to go to university, its just hard not making any money for now!
I think you should definitely go for it! Write a book about what you are passionate about. I bet there is something you are passionate about that you have a unique angle on it be it cooking, parenting, travel or whatever. I wrote a book recently and it was thrilling to see it in print. It is called Cocktails at Naptime and while it has not made me rich it gave me confidence to keep writing
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