Today I have but one thing on my mind. My eldest daughter's seventh birthday. I am so incredibly proud of her. I'm also proud of myself for getting this far in motherhood. She was a beautiful baby at 6 lbs 6 oz. It was a difficult birth and motherhood just didn't come easy for me. We didn't bond the way I did with my second daughter. I think I hadn't realised how much motherhood would change me. It made me put everything into perspective and when I looked in the mirror, I didn't like what I saw. Why would my own child love me if I didn't love myself.
That was the dawn of post-natal depression for me. I didn't get treated for it until after I had my second child. When I realised today how long its been since I said to myself, "Today was a good/bad day" I realised I've been over it for a while. I didn't know that I could be this content with my life.
If I had never had my children, and learned how to love myself and make my life work for me, I never would have had the strength to get over losing my mother to cancer last year. My mother lost her battle 5 days after she turned 65. She had a difficult time of it, and its been a hard year coming to terms with her absence. Now I realise the gift she gave me of being the mother I am today. I miss her, but I only have to look in the mirror to see her in me.
I think my daughter is going to have an amazing day tomorrow, full of joy and contentment.
post natal depression is hard isn't it? I went through a similar time and can understand what you are saying. Good for you for coming through the other side. I am sure you are a stronger person for it. x
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to your loss, I am so sorry for that. I've gone through various depressions in my life as well, good on you for overcoming these adversities! Learining to love ourselves is sometimes the hardest thing we ever learn, but without that, everything else is that much harder. Sounds like you're doing very well now..happy birthday to your daughter! My oldest grandson will be seven on July 6...seven is such a great age...they're right on the cusp of being 'big kids' and so many things are new to them..
ReplyDeletetake care :)
Thanks for your comments, I think its so important to share experiences with depression. Its such a lonely condition. Its been a great triumph to defeat it and I know now that its highly unlikely that it will hit me again.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your loss. And very sorry to hear that you had to battle through PND for so long without help - unfortunately there are a lot of women who go through this unnoticed. Speaking up for sure helps. xx
ReplyDeleteThanks. I am one of the lucky people who actually got some help through the NHS. They gave me 6 sessions with a counsellor. It wasn't enough so I ended up seeing a private one. They were so kind as I couldn't really afford it and they gave me a reduced fee. It certainly helped prepare me for losing my mother. I am truly grateful.
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