The Honour of Motherhood

Today I have but one thing on my mind. My eldest daughter's seventh birthday. I am so incredibly proud of her. I'm also proud of myself for getting this far in motherhood. She was a beautiful baby at 6 lbs 6 oz. It was a difficult birth and motherhood just didn't come easy for me. We didn't bond the way I did with my second daughter. I think I hadn't realised how much motherhood would change me. It made me put everything into perspective and when I looked in the mirror, I didn't like what I saw. Why would my own child love me if I didn't love myself.

That was the dawn of post-natal depression for me. I didn't get treated for it until after I had my second child. When I realised today how long its been since I said to myself, "Today was a good/bad day" I realised I've been over it for a while. I didn't know that I could be this content with my life.

If I had never had my children, and learned how to love myself and make my life work for me, I never would have had the strength to get over losing my mother to cancer last year. My mother lost her battle 5 days after she turned 65. She had a difficult time of it, and its been a hard year coming to terms with her absence. Now I realise the gift she gave me of being the mother I am today. I miss her, but I only have to look in the mirror to see her in me.

I think my daughter is going to have an amazing day tomorrow, full of joy and contentment.